This past weekend, I met a man in my hotel who was deeply upset. Out of a mix of compassion, but more out of curiosity, if I’m honest, considering I found him intently examining a “Ruta de Evacuacion” sign in the hallway, I asked him what was troubling him. It didn’t take much prompting to open the floodgates. He’d encountered some troubles, but what fascinated me was his commitment to his story about his circumstances more than the circumstances themselves. I’ll back up..
What the man shared:
- He met a man at the airport, made friends, and got “bro-conned”…the “friend” stole his phone and disappeared
- He lost his laptop charger
- He couldn’t access his bank accounts without his laptop and his phone (2-factor verification) to transfer money into an accessible account
- Everything goes wrong for him because he’s too trusting
- He doesn’t trust himself to make decisions and can’t get his life in order
- All this **** is happening on his birthday.
- He was staying at (and able to pay for) the hotel we were standing in
The man was distraught, despondent, and unresponsive to several people I had seen offer help throughout the day. He was sure that he couldn’t trust himself, which is probably the most devastating place to lose trust. He was looking down into a pit, and everything was dark.
I offered some thoughts, some questions, and some encouragement – I’m not sure how much of which he heard.
As I walked away, I thought of how quickly we make determinations, without question, about our circumstances and what they mean about ourselves.
When something goes wrong, it’s because we’re unlucky, unskilled, or unworthy (which assumes the thing going wrong is even wrong in the first place).
…I got conned because I’m too trusting…
…I lost the client because I’m terrible at sales…(and coulda/shoulda closed the deal)
…I’m behind in life because my friends have more xyz…
When something goes right, it’s a one-time thing, it’s happenstance, it’s luck, it’s finite.
…I got the job because it was right time, right place…
…that presentation went beautifully, but I don’t know if I can do it again…
…my manager believes in me, but no one else does…
Instead, how powerful might it be to step outside ourselves, for just a moment, and become a neutral observer of our own lives…to view our circumstances as an opportunity to believe something new about ourselves and the world around us.
What are your circumstances giving you the opportunity to believe?
…I believe in the good in people, and I’m discerning when to exercise more or less risk in trusting new people…
…that client wasn’t for me…and now I have space for one who is…
…I have everything I need to discover how to overcome this challenge…
…This good thing happened because I have spent years perfecting my craft, fostering trust in relationships, and staying committed to my vision…
Whatever your circumstances, notice where a belief may be stymying growth rather than fostering, and choose a new belief that generates energy and momentum.
I may not have the chance to talk to that man again, and he may not (yet) be in a place to shift his perspective, but I pray that he may find comfort in his distress, seek gratitude in the resources he has, see beauty in his willingness to trust, and have faith in his own ability to grow.
May we all experience this.
Rooting for you,
Jen
